Tantric Sex 101

Tantric sex is a method of intimacy that focuses on an increased spiritual awareness and erotic energy. It can be practiced alone, or with a lover. Think of Tantric Sex as a dance with no beginning and no end. There is no rush to the finish line; it is meditative, expressive, creative and intimate. Especially for FiftyAndFurthermores, Tantric Sex offers opportunities for intimacy, regardless of how rusty your parts are, or how well everything is functioning. Originating from ancient Buddhist practices, tantric sex is based on the male partner delaying orgasm by using the PC muscles, the same group of muscles that one uses to stop urinating.

Quick introduction to Tantric Sex – you can try this at home:

Talk to your lover about what he/she finds most erotic and exciting. Build trust and explore the conversations and see where they lead you. Make time for each other every week, find special alone time and create an environment suited for love. Try candles, erotic art, sensual foods, and music. Dress (or undress) in a way that makes you feel treasured and attractive. Try bathing together, or sharing a glass of wine in the nude. You can wash suds over your lover, or try a massage. Some couples enjoy dancing, reading poetry or other special intimate activities.

Sit cross-legged in front of your lover, gazing into each other’s eyes, resting your hands on your knees with palms up. Take soft deep breaths, and look into your partner’s soul with a gentle gaze. (This is sure to feel strange and uncomfortable at first, but that’s okay.) Synchronize your breathing, inhaling through the nose and out through the mouth, keeping eye contact the entire time. Stay with it, don’t give up. Once you get over the giggles or awkwardness, you can practice and start to feel the flow of energy and intimacy. Then comes soft loving caresses, and expressions/preferences for what each partner wants. Gently guide one another, and whisper words of praise and encouragement. You know the rest! You may Google “Tantric Sex” for more detailed techniques that go beyond second base. The techniques to remember are taking long, slow deep breaths and enjoying the magic of the moment. There are no rules here, just emotional, spiritual and physical bonding.

This is a wonderful possibility for those of us over 50 who find that we are ready to slow down, not go so fast, and make the moment last. Celebrity couple Sting and his wife Trudy are proponents of tantric sex. In an interview in the Guardian he was asked to give readers a few tips. “He looks indignant and says it’s about ‘a journey, not ‘f—ing for eight hours”’ OK, I say. ‘I try to be lighthearted about it,’ he says, ‘but at the same time, there is some serious information about couples and how they can relate and sex is only a tiny proportion of it. It’s about ritualizing a period of the day with your partner; it can be about (simply) looking at each other…”

Previously Published in 2008