I write about sex often. I do so because we live in a puritanical and prurient society where ease of knowledge and facts are not easily available and are often twisted. As a result many people have too few tools for intimacy. If one has never been educated or exposed to the essence of love and mechanisms of sex, how does one learn? Many have told me that in a loving relationship they teach each other. True, still it’s akin to trying to learn physics without a guide. Possible? Yes! But too often it’s the naive leading the naive.   Give and take in and out of bed requires time, telling, showing, sharing, and a willingness to be adventurous and open. All of sexual interaction, as does all of life, has elements of control and surrender.

We are born with the need for connection. We are also born with the instinct for fight or flight. Consciously or unconsciously, most people are challenged by desire for connection, being intimate and not losing themselves.

It is easier for most to live comfortably within defined role limits or all intertwined. It’s the messiness of constant change coming and going, being alone and interacting again, that causes most people confusion.  Do you know your own love learning history?


  1. Where did you learn about love?
  2. Who were you role models?
  3. Was consenting sex and open topic in your home and/or environment?
  4. Where did you learn about bodily functions?
  5. How did you learn about your body and others bodies?
  6. What was the attitude toward pornography?
  7. What moral codes were you exposed to or not?
  8. Have you had multiple partners?
  9. Do you have performance anxiety? (Women and men).
  10. Are you afraid of the opposite sex?
  11. What is your attitude toward kissing? Touch? Orgasm/ Sharing Thoughts? Emotions? Values/ Hopes?
  12. Do you prefer to give or receive love? Either? Neither? Both?
  13. What is your definition of love?
  14. Do you like/love yourself?
  15. What are your reactions/thoughts to the #MeToo movement?